Mother is busy with those stupid beasts, doing who knows what, so I am taking the opportunity to enlighten you more about the wonderfulness of me. There is so much to say….where do I start?
I am nearly 20 years old, and I have to say that I only get better with age. Mother is practically neurotic about grooming me, but really, I think she has lost her mind. Who cares if my fur is perfect? I am perfect, and that is all that matters. I think perhaps Mother has some “issues” she needs to work out.
Father continues to worship me, as is my due. He sometimes tries to put that stupid “zapper” thing on me when he thinks I am sleeping but I just move around until it falls off. I mean really! They are always trying to do something to me with a comb or a zapper or some stupid vitamin. I will let them know when I want a dumb vitamin and then they may serve me. I cannot believe how long it has taken me to train these two.
They became all concerned the other day because I vomited a few times…who cares? I have the right to vomit if I want and it is none of their business. So what if the big stereo speaker was ruined? If they are so concerned about it they should not leave it next to the warm fireplace like that. I am much more important than some stupid stereo equipment. They spend too much time listening to that stupid music anyway. I hate that stupid jazz and that dumb Jimi Hendrix person. What did he ever do that was so special?
I almost nailed that hairy, smelly beast Sammy when I vomited. That was almost worth the discomfort! Mother and Father have spent the last few days fussing over him for some dumb reason, but I think he was faking it the whole time. He is not always as dumb as he looks.
Well, I hear Mother coming back into the house with those dumb dogs, so I better go pretend I am sleeping on top of the stereo cabinet. If I stay up there long enough, Mother will airlift me at bedtime to the cozy bedroom upstairs. She is so easy to manipulate!