“Can I see some identification please? Are you supposed to be here?”
My name is Molly and I’m in charge of security here. Mom and Dad finally realized I was serious about my job after I gave a friend of theirs what-for. What else was I supposed to do? They are too nice! They would let anyone walk in the door. It’s my job to make sure that doesn’t happen.
After I first came to live here they were just hugging me and feeding me all kinds of tasty food and taking me for walks, and we never had a chance to discuss security. So I hassled the UPS dude one day in front of Mom and she just didn’t get it. So I had to take some more extreme measures to get their attention. Their friend just had a bruise, it was no big deal, but they had a cow! Once they calmed down they realized I was just doing my job and now they appreciate my willingness to kick butt. I may look sweet but I’m the Terminator!
I have my job cut out for me with that pesky brat Sammy. He’s a good little dude but he needed some discipline. I let him chew on me sometimes because it calms him down, and sometimes I have to let him snuggle with me like I’m his mommy. I’m too busy to be a mommy! Sammy will bark at anything that moves, and I have to run out there with him to check it out. You never know when The Man will be at your door. I’ve seen it a million times!
Mom and Dad gave me some medicine because I was kind of sick when they got me and they didn’t know it, but finally they saw that I wasn’t feeling good. I didn’t tell them because I was afraid they’d take me back to the shelter and I wouldn’t be able to do my job, but now I feel really good and I can run around and check the perimeter every day and every night. And, I have to make sure Mom is safe in bed before I go to bed because that’s my job too. Dad will protect her, but what if he’s not here? Then it’s my job.
I’m trying to teach the kid a few things, too. Like you don’t always have to bark. Sometimes maybe you should be stealthy and run outside to check things out without anybody knowing you’re coming. That way you can sneak up on them and get a few bites in early. The other day I had to save Dad….we were walking down the road and that nasty black dog who lives at the end of the road came running out. The first time we passed his house Dad made him go away, but when we walked back past the house again the black dog pretended to be friendly. Then when Dad wasn’t looking he made a face at me and then hit the back of Dad’s leg with his snout like he was going to bite Dad. I went after that punk and showed him a thing or two. Nobody does that to my family. I can’t wait to see that punk on the road again….
Mom and Dad always thank me now when I’m doing my job. I’m glad they finally get me. They’re not used to having a Terminator around but they understand. I love them lots. It’s pretty nice when Mom lets me cuddle with her on the couch. Nobody ever cuddled me before. But I’m always on alert! I’m ready for action, make no mistake. You’ve been warned.
I’ve been engaged in a battle of wills with Sammy the past few nights. I blocked off his access to the couch and it doesn’t sit well with Mr. Sammy T. Remember when I wrote that the dogs were sleeping on the couch while I was on my trip? Well Sammy seems to think it’s his right to be there every night instead of on one of his comfy dog beds. He comes upstairs to sleep when we go to bed, and then about half an hour after the lights go out I hear him sneaking down the stairs and jumping on the couch. Sometimes Molly joins him.
So, two nights ago I blocked off the couch with kitchen chairs. I spent the entire night listening to him whine and pace, with his toenails clicking on the hardwood floor. Four times I got out of bed to stand at the top of the stairs and tell him to GO TO BED….RIGHT NOW! I always have to add the RIGHT NOW in my Papa voice so he knows I’m serious. Molly doesn’t even try to get up there at night anymore. I think she realizes that I mean business. Last night, I got up two times to tell Sammy to go to bed. The first time he came slinking back upstairs and was up there for quite a while before he tried again. When he went down the second time I heard one of the chairs move, so I think he’s trying to figure out how to get the chair out of the way. The first night I heard him get up on the woodstove hearth, like he was going to jump on the couch from the side. This dog is too smart for his own good!
Nevertheless, I am the Mommy and I get to be the boss of him whether he believes it or not. I have a sinking feeling that this will be my life with Sammy – a constant battle of the wills. As in me saying, “Oh yes you will, Sammy!”
We had a rather stressful evening the other day. I came home from shopping in Missoula, made dinner, relaxed, then went into the kitchen to feed the animals. At this point, I realized Boots was not around. She didn’t come into the kitchen while I was making steaks to yell at me for food. So…I started searching.
I looked and looked, and looked again with a flashlight. I crawled under and behind things, I moved every object in my closet, I even went into the crawlspace under the house. Steve joined in the search and looked in all the places I looked. No Boots.
This is a cat who refuses to go outside when the temperature goes below 40 degrees, so we thought it was unlikely that she had gone out the dog door. But we became pretty convinced she wasn’t in the house, so we started searching outside. It was about 20 degrees out and it started snowing so we knew if she was outside and spent the night out there she probably wouldn’t make it until morning.
I finally came to the conclusion that she must have crawled off somewhere to die. Cats will do this when they sense they are going to die. The strange thing is that we had seen her earlier in the day and she looked fine and was as bossy as ever. We didn’t know what else to think and we realized we probably weren’t going to see her again. We both cried and spent the night tossing and turning, imagining her dying out in the cold and snow.
The next morning, I lay in bed realizing that I was going to have to get up and start the part of my life without Boots. She’s been with us for almost 17 years and although she’s got attitude, we love her. Steve came in from getting wood for the fireplace and called to me that Boots was here. I ran downstairs and there she was, looking fine and meowing for breakfast. I simply couldn’t believe she was there after all the searching clkjvak aksdy hey! Ouch! YOWR!
This is Boots. I took over Mother’s apparatus because I simply could not listen to any of her drama queen talk any further. I do not have to tell Mother and Father where I am all of the time. They are not the boss of me. I am old enough to take care of myself and I knew where I was all of the time. There is no need for all the crying and histrionics, although I was appeased to see that I am properly appreciated in the household, as I should be. That Other cat, the striped one, knew where I was but I told her not to inform Mother and Father. I do not have to report to them. Mother tried to brush me when I got back but I hissed at her and nipped her hand to make her think twice about bossing me around.